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Sunday, July 1, 2012

My Life Would Be So Much Easier If...

Here's a list, in no particular order, of some things I've thought of over the past, oh, say thirty-four years, that if they existed, I would have so much more time to Facebook, blog, eat ice cream, scrapbook, and otherwise slack off.

* kids who emptied their own pockets before putting clothes in the hamper (this wouldn't actually save me time cleaning out their pockets, but even more effectively, time cleaning out the lint trap in the dryer and those holes in the bucket of the washing machine)
* sunblock in either shot or pill form
* "fold" and "put away" buttons on the dryer
* pre-stamped envelopes (saving me time both from having to stick them on myself, and more importantly, from waiting in line at the freaking slower-than-molasses post office counter!)
* fashion advice that suggests it's cool to wear mismatched socks and wrinkly clothes (of course, the socks thing wouldn't be an issue if the "fold" button I mentioned earlier existed)
* auto refill on my wallet (I'm not asking for free money, but if some cash from my own account could just show up in my wallet once a week so I didn't have to stop at the ATM, that would be cool)
* self-cleaning houses, or at least toilets (seriously - they've figured this out for ovens, why stop there? I'd be more than happy to just leave my house and lock the door for three hours if it meant when I opened it back up, all I had to do was wipe out a little debris from the floor and everything would be sparkly clean)
* toy and baby gear return boxes at the grocery store (you know, like for soda cans? I'd pay a deposit when I buy them, but who has time for Craigslist or ebay to get rid of all of this???)
* "delete stupid, duplicate, or otherwise hideous shots," "organize," and "order prints" buttons on my camera. (I actually love the scrapbooking part so don't want to automate that, but I can't keep up with the first three parts to save my life!)
* a kitty-oomba, like the Roomba but I'm not greedy. No need for it to do my whole house, but I'd just like it to follow my cats around all day and vacuum up after them - their fur, the errant cat litter they shake from their paws *after* leaving the litter box, their shed claws, their food crumbs, and even the stray socks and other small laundry items my one cat insists on pulling out of the basement hamper and bringing back upstairs before it gets washed. I'd be willing to sacrifice a sock or tank top a day for this service!
* press on nail polish and/or chameleon polish so it automatically changes color to match your outfit
* the ability (and social acceptance to do in front of others) to pee from a fingertip (just imagine if you could take care of business a) without having to mostly disrobe each time and b) while talking to Grandma, stopped at a red light, or in the line at the post office in case those pre-stamped envelopes don't ever work out!)
* self-waxing eyebrows

I'm sure I'll think of more, so we'll consider this list a work in progress. :)

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